I gushed. I curled my toes with giddiness. I felt my blood rush up to my cheeks. I squealed. My eyes twinkled. First and last love. That is the power of love. No, I am not in love but I am a big believer of love. I love love.
My little cousin is in love and she is glowing. As I listened to her bashful narration of her first love story, everything seems so pure and enchanting. Her guy seems so perfect and they seem so perfect for each other. The innocence. The trust. The strength. The honesty. The promise. It’s a magical time and my heart hugged itself and let out a huge OMG-So-Cute-OMG sigh. I smiled for them and for all the other first loves around the world.
Then yesterday my friend told me that she was engaged. I smiled but then my smile quickly turned into a huge excited laugh and scream. We even did little mini jumps while hugging each other. I Oohed, Aahed and OMGed when she told me how her fiancé had been planning to ask her for the last one year; when she showed me the heirloom ring that sat so prettily on her fingers; when she told me how weird and nervous he was before asking her. My heart at that moment was doing crazy Olympic-gold worthy gymnastic moves. And I also smiled for them and for all the veteran loves.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
God. He may seem irrelevant and out of place in the world that we live today. With new-age gurus, best-selling self-help books, over-medicated therapy and too many accommodating world-views. With magazines and VH1 images that control our lives and wants and ambitions. With Hollywood bodies and sex lives that we are fascinated and compare with. God seems to be lost in all. He seems old-fashioned. A legend. A myth. Or even a conspiracy theory. And for some he is non-existent. But for me, God exists. He is a living God and I totally believe in him. Does that make me old-fashioned? Weird? Brainwashed? Naïve? Fanatical? It is an uncomfortable subject. Religion has always been a sensitive and war-faring subject. But no matter what people say about me or label me as, I cannot deny that I need God and that I totally and irrevocably believe in him. At this point I am a little scared and uncomfortable because there are lots of things that I don’t have answers to. Never-ending arguments about God and his ‘mysterious’ ways. Why does He let people die? Why does He let good people get hurt? Where was He when I was in agony? What does He want from me? How can He let innocent children suffer at the hands of pedophiles? How can He justify himself when it is because of religion that the world is in such a fucking mess? If He is the Almighty One then why doesn’t He stop all this shit? Where is the proof that He really does exist? I don’t know and I don’t have any concrete answers or proofs. But that still does not discourage me from trusting and trying to be faithful to Him. I have a long way to go and there is going to be a lot of backlash and questions, but I will never regret this decision. All this may sound vague and stupid and illogical. But this is my starting point. And like everyone else’s starting point, it is still yet to be defined.