Don't get me wrong. I love my family but you know how families function and dysfunction. Trying to fit in after being away for a long time is not so easy. Trying to find a flow can have many awkward moments and misunderstandings. You see, I have been in boarding since I was seven years old. After 11 years of boarding school, I went directly to college and straight into another hostel. Then I did PG Diploma and stayed in yet another hostel. Then I started to work and lived on my own for nearly 3 years before sharing an apartment with two other friends. So, for my 19 years of existence, I have learned and adapted to an independent lifestyle where "I" becomes a necessity. A survival technique. And when "I" meets the "We", things can pretty intense. I thought I was prepared for the "culture shock", but I clearly was not. And is not too.
I know parents love us and want the best for us but sometimes they also need to let go. I don't mind listening and trying to learn new things. There is always room for improvement and I know that I have a lot of space to spare, but they also need to know what they can store in that space. Everything and anything can't come in. Things need to be processed. I know that I am living in their house and there are house rules to follow like in any other houses. But they also need to learn how to adjust. I am trying to adjust to a new and healthier lifestyle, like waking up at 6:00am, but they also need to give my body's internal clock time to adjust. I need time to adjust. A few days is not enough to adapt to a whole new and different world.
In Delhi, I would sleep around 2:00 am and wake up around 7:30 or 8:00 am. Because a lot of times, my work schedule dictated that kind of routine. It's not healthy but to also force my body to wake up with only four hours of sleep is not healthy too. The other day I woke up at 7:00 am. I thought that was pretty good but everyone was already awake by 6:00am. Plus it did not help that there were some morning guests who had come to meet my parents. So, I got scolded for my "bad habits" of sleeping in late and then that went on to other topics like "not knowing your culture", "not knowing how to cook", etc.
I can clean. Can cook. But I am not the domestic kind who is happy to be busy with household chores the whole day. I need to do something else. Something more. And that is the hardest thing that I am facing right now. Especially when you are idle the whole day and you are used to a lifestyle where you are always churning out ideas and racing to meet deadlines. You are always on the move - mentally and physically. So, at the end of the day I am not tired, but rather restless. Wanting to do something. Create something. Anything.
I know I am sounding like an immature brat. A shrew. A workaholic with withdrawal symptoms. A self-centered person. I know I have gone all over the place with my ranting but at the end, I still love my family and I don't regret coming home at the end of the day (or so I keeping tell myself or else I might kill myself). Home is not romantic. It's chaotic. Frustrating. Suffocating. Adjusting. Giving a lot. It's really tough. But it's home and you know know what they say, there's no place like "home".
