Monday, July 31, 2006

Black Thoughts

The impending feeling of sadness and lethargic aspirations slowly permeates your thoughts, making you doubt yourself. The premonition you can sense - the feeling of being consumed by bleak thoughts and despondency- engulfs you again. Makes you feel so hopeless and lifeless. All that seeps through you is that dejected feeling of defeat. Not being able to withstand the demeaning thoughts and voices in your head. The perpetual weltschmerz that you face and feel every moment; the quest to question all that existed and exists. Everything seems to be a lost cause and that is when you drown into a black pseudo-reality that takes hold of you. The happy thoughts and moments seem so far away. You strive so hard to hang on to your sanity and calm. You want to put everything right but that seems the hardest thing at the moment. Everyone knows this feeling but the degree varies according to your demons. The only thing to get you back is to think hard...a conscious effort to banish all pessimistic elements in your head, all negative lingering voices. To just concentrate real hard until it exhausts you, that all you want to do is sleep. Sleep, an escape until you are more rational to sort things out. To convince yourself that one day you will be ok, that you will love yourself one day. I just wish that someday was today.

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